Being You Own Worst Critic

Okay. So, self esteem is something most people have problems with. We all hate certain things about ourselves and things we would like to change. For example: I'm a huge procrastinator and bad prioritiser. I have no acting or public speaking ability and a strong dislike of bossing people around.
Sometimes these are things I go to sleep at night worrying over, thinking that they will ruin any chance I have at doing something with my life. And yet I still have the willpower to get up every morning and go about my life. So they really can't be that bad, can they? They never occupy my thoughts for more than an hour or so at a time.
Sure, I am often self-conscious and berate myself afterwards about certain things, but they don't really stop me from living.

So why is it, when it comes to things that really matter - like whether I am actually good at writing (or the subject that takes up the other half of my existence) - do I have so many more doubts and worries? Ones that keep me awake, not just some nights, but every night.
And yet, at other times, how I feel about my work is what comforts me when I've had a bad day at school. Thoughts and fantasies about my future are what lull me to sleep and give me good dreams.
Talk about yo yo-ing.

Sometimes I think my writing is awful. I think about something I wrote a day or two beforehand and think "What on Earth was I thinking? How did I even consider this as passable stuff?"
But other times think: "Wow! Did I really write this? This is good!"

What I'm really trying to say here is this: You can never truly judge your own work.
In your head you can have an idea of how good (or bad) it is, but - truly - you can never really know. This is because you can never view it completely objectively (unless you look back on it in a decade or two). Your opinion of your work will always vary, depending on your mood and outlook at the time.

So, here's my piece of advice for today:
Don't worry about what you think of your writing at any one time, your view will always change. It is others who will tell you whether or not you are any good; you simply keep writing and see what they say once you've finished.
The worst that can happen is that they say you're not good enough. All I'll say to that is: at least you didn't give up! And you will still have gained something from it.

Seriously, though; it's bad enough without you criticising yourself. Let other people do that - they will probably be much kinder about it.



Is it me, or does none of this really make any sense?
I apologise for this.
My mind is currently a little preoccupied with the hot chocolate fudge cake, that I am about to go and prepare. Don't worry, I'm not actually making it from scratch (thank goodness for microwaves); though maybe I should be a little concerned that I'm only a few months away from having to cook for myself, and yet I cannot actually cook. Hmm... starvation or ready-meals both seem plausible options at the moment.
Oh well, if I stop posting around October you will know what's happened. Feel free to send flowers to my funeral.

Sorry if this whole post comes off as a little bleak. I'm trying to instill confidence, but I don't know if it's working.

Thanks for reading
W-O