Being You Own Worst Critic

Okay. So, self esteem is something most people have problems with. We all hate certain things about ourselves and things we would like to change. For example: I'm a huge procrastinator and bad prioritiser. I have no acting or public speaking ability and a strong dislike of bossing people around.
Sometimes these are things I go to sleep at night worrying over, thinking that they will ruin any chance I have at doing something with my life. And yet I still have the willpower to get up every morning and go about my life. So they really can't be that bad, can they? They never occupy my thoughts for more than an hour or so at a time.
Sure, I am often self-conscious and berate myself afterwards about certain things, but they don't really stop me from living.

So why is it, when it comes to things that really matter - like whether I am actually good at writing (or the subject that takes up the other half of my existence) - do I have so many more doubts and worries? Ones that keep me awake, not just some nights, but every night.
And yet, at other times, how I feel about my work is what comforts me when I've had a bad day at school. Thoughts and fantasies about my future are what lull me to sleep and give me good dreams.
Talk about yo yo-ing.

Sometimes I think my writing is awful. I think about something I wrote a day or two beforehand and think "What on Earth was I thinking? How did I even consider this as passable stuff?"
But other times think: "Wow! Did I really write this? This is good!"

What I'm really trying to say here is this: You can never truly judge your own work.
In your head you can have an idea of how good (or bad) it is, but - truly - you can never really know. This is because you can never view it completely objectively (unless you look back on it in a decade or two). Your opinion of your work will always vary, depending on your mood and outlook at the time.

So, here's my piece of advice for today:
Don't worry about what you think of your writing at any one time, your view will always change. It is others who will tell you whether or not you are any good; you simply keep writing and see what they say once you've finished.
The worst that can happen is that they say you're not good enough. All I'll say to that is: at least you didn't give up! And you will still have gained something from it.

Seriously, though; it's bad enough without you criticising yourself. Let other people do that - they will probably be much kinder about it.



Is it me, or does none of this really make any sense?
I apologise for this.
My mind is currently a little preoccupied with the hot chocolate fudge cake, that I am about to go and prepare. Don't worry, I'm not actually making it from scratch (thank goodness for microwaves); though maybe I should be a little concerned that I'm only a few months away from having to cook for myself, and yet I cannot actually cook. Hmm... starvation or ready-meals both seem plausible options at the moment.
Oh well, if I stop posting around October you will know what's happened. Feel free to send flowers to my funeral.

Sorry if this whole post comes off as a little bleak. I'm trying to instill confidence, but I don't know if it's working.

Thanks for reading
W-O

Sequels, Creating Tension and Prioritising

OK, so this post is going to cover a few topics at once, because I want to get them all down now and not have to worry that I'm forgetting points.


Sequels
It seems to today that all (OK, I'm starting to sound like the Family Guy theme) books come as part of a series or trilogy. There aren't as many standalones and writers quite often - to me at least - seem to be churning out sequels just because it's what's done right now.
Is it necessary?
I would say "No!"

You see, the problem with these sequels that seem to come out of the wazoo, is that they really are never as good as the first book. There are exceptions - as there always will be - but often these really are just superfluous and unnecessary. If your first book is good and you don't feel there are any more stories left to tell: Leave. It.
On the other hand, if there are plot points that are still unresolved or characters that you are desperate to explore in more depth, then by all means: keep going.

I've recently decided to add a sequel to my plan.
Remember that second main character that I decided to introduce a while back? Well, her POV is gone from my first novel - which, incidentally, now has 2 completed chapters, several more in progress and a much better plot plan! This decision almost halved my word count and gave me a lot more work to do to get this one right; but it also made things a lot less complicated for the reader, gave my other main character some more space to play - which I think they both deserve a lot more than I was giving them - and is really letting me let loose on some of the things I'd planned not to put in the first novel.

My second main character will have her own story in the sequel, and play just a secondary part in the first book. I have many plans for this second book and no plan yet to add a third because - quite seriously - it doesn't need it - yet (I'm not ruling it out, hehe).


Creating Tension
This is something I have always struggled with, as I like things to all end up happy and my characters to lead simple fulfilling lives. But this doesn't really work if I want people to read my book.

So I've taken a solid piece of writing advice and put my character in the situation they most dread. Don't worry, I have a plan to get her out of it, but for now I'm letting her wallow in all the angst that it's going to cause. She'll have to do a lot of work and develop as a person before she gets a break.

I was originally very tentative about doing this - it not being my usual style - but now that I've done it there are so many possibilities for character arcs, development and things to keep the reader interested.
Do I regret causing my character pain? No way.


Prioritising
I should probably add 'and procrastinating' to that title.

We all struggle with this: what should come first? What am I willing to give up? Why can't I just get my head down and do it? And it's a never-ending problem. There's always something to distract you or stand there with it's hands on its hips saying "You know I'm more important than what you're up to, so get over here and do me!" (is it just me or does that sound a bit dirtier than I meant it to?).

I'm having many of those problems at the moment, not least due to the fact that I am still in school and am currently in the middle of my January exams (which I should really be revising for right now) and yet I am still taking time out of my day, sacrificing sleep, so that I can work on my book. My family don't know, so they can't even help me with finding time (my plan sounds worse and worse all the time doesn't it? But I have really brought it on myself).
Yet, at the same time, I feel like I'm hardly getting anywhere with my book: I may have over 5000 word done, but so what? I'm sure plenty of people have been at it for half as long as me and have three times as much.

It's an uphill battle and one that I'm not always sure I'll win, but so far I'm muscling through it. I know I'm doing so much better than I would have done six month ago and I'm proud of it.
Let's just see where it takes me, eh?

Hope my rant was useful, even if you just think I'm a complete twit.
W-O xxx