Being You Own Worst Critic

Okay. So, self esteem is something most people have problems with. We all hate certain things about ourselves and things we would like to change. For example: I'm a huge procrastinator and bad prioritiser. I have no acting or public speaking ability and a strong dislike of bossing people around.
Sometimes these are things I go to sleep at night worrying over, thinking that they will ruin any chance I have at doing something with my life. And yet I still have the willpower to get up every morning and go about my life. So they really can't be that bad, can they? They never occupy my thoughts for more than an hour or so at a time.
Sure, I am often self-conscious and berate myself afterwards about certain things, but they don't really stop me from living.

So why is it, when it comes to things that really matter - like whether I am actually good at writing (or the subject that takes up the other half of my existence) - do I have so many more doubts and worries? Ones that keep me awake, not just some nights, but every night.
And yet, at other times, how I feel about my work is what comforts me when I've had a bad day at school. Thoughts and fantasies about my future are what lull me to sleep and give me good dreams.
Talk about yo yo-ing.

Sometimes I think my writing is awful. I think about something I wrote a day or two beforehand and think "What on Earth was I thinking? How did I even consider this as passable stuff?"
But other times think: "Wow! Did I really write this? This is good!"

What I'm really trying to say here is this: You can never truly judge your own work.
In your head you can have an idea of how good (or bad) it is, but - truly - you can never really know. This is because you can never view it completely objectively (unless you look back on it in a decade or two). Your opinion of your work will always vary, depending on your mood and outlook at the time.

So, here's my piece of advice for today:
Don't worry about what you think of your writing at any one time, your view will always change. It is others who will tell you whether or not you are any good; you simply keep writing and see what they say once you've finished.
The worst that can happen is that they say you're not good enough. All I'll say to that is: at least you didn't give up! And you will still have gained something from it.

Seriously, though; it's bad enough without you criticising yourself. Let other people do that - they will probably be much kinder about it.



Is it me, or does none of this really make any sense?
I apologise for this.
My mind is currently a little preoccupied with the hot chocolate fudge cake, that I am about to go and prepare. Don't worry, I'm not actually making it from scratch (thank goodness for microwaves); though maybe I should be a little concerned that I'm only a few months away from having to cook for myself, and yet I cannot actually cook. Hmm... starvation or ready-meals both seem plausible options at the moment.
Oh well, if I stop posting around October you will know what's happened. Feel free to send flowers to my funeral.

Sorry if this whole post comes off as a little bleak. I'm trying to instill confidence, but I don't know if it's working.

Thanks for reading
W-O

Character development - how I create people

This is how I go about creating and developing my characters.
I start out with a basic layout:
Age: (this doesn't always work as ages can change throughout the story)
D.O.B: (I normally just have a month and day)
Natural hair colour:
Eye colour:
Parents: (include mother's maiden name)
Siblings: (include rough ages)
Pets:
Known Powers: (this for when the characters are magical folk)
Subjects: (if the character is still at school)
Profession: (if the character has a job)
Weapons of choice: (should my character ever end up in a fight)
Martial arts grade: (same as above or in case I want them to have some cool fighting moves up their sleeves)
Characteristics: (these range from 'bad liar' to things like 'hates disappointing people')
Querks: (any funny or interesting habits the character may have, like hates red foods or believes in ghosts)

This gives me a basic character profile and an idea of who this person is. I don't always fill it all in at once: sometimes I just start off with the basics like name and appearance and add the rest as and when it comes to me.

Sometimes I create the characters on whim and then add them into the story later. Other times, I start writing a scene and suddenly introduce this character that I've never even thought about before: I then go and write them a character profile in my little planning notebook, filling in everything I've included in the scene with them and then add the rest (then or later on).
My main characters are, obviously, ones I thought about before writing them. However, I originally started my story with just one main protagonist in mind, but as I continued I reaslised I wanted somebody else to express a different point of view and have different ways of doing and thinking about things: someone who was more than just a sidekick or secondary character. I then developed this new character to have her own plot within the book and to have equal importance to my original main chracter.
So now I have two protagonists whose stories I can weave together and two separate points of view that I can write from: this lets me choose what I feel like writing, as the two are very different people and have their own distictive moods and atmospheres.

Well, that's my character development for you.
Hope this was helpful
Bye
W-O xx